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A Relationship? Or a Fling? 7 Ways to tell what (S)he Wants

Image of a young couple kissing. Raleigh Psychotherapy, Counseling, Katherine Broadway, Relationships
“I don't know where he stands in our relationship but I'm glad he still thinks I'm girlfriend material. He still wants to have sex with me.”

Being wanted for sex is not a sign that you are wanted as a girlfriend/boyfriend. There are plenty of people who may want to have sex with you yet have no desire to have a committed relationship. Sex is not an indication of love or commitment.


If sex is not an indicator of love and desire for a committed relationship, then what is? There are 7 basic behaviors that you will help you see whether someone is looking for a romantic relationship, or a fling. These apply across the board, regardless of sexual preferences.

  1. You spend time together: Not just 30 minutes for a quickie or a hot night of passion. You spend lazy days together, running errands, talking a walk. When plans are made, they are kept. You are seen in public together. Everyone needs to reschedule occasionally, but if it is a pattern it is a problem.

  2. The conversation goes beyond the surface. You talk about who you are as an individual person: your history, your dreams, what you like, what hurts you, and what you fear. She expresses interest in knowing you. He wants to listen to you. You feel comfortable having “the talks” about where you stand as a couple.

  3. You are kept in the loop about plans. Work schedule, travel and events. This is not asking permission, it is being open with schedules and plans.

  4. You meet one another’s friends and family and are included in activities. The relationship is out in the open for everyone to see. You both are proud and excited to be a couple. If Facebook is involved, you appear there, both in name and face.

  5. You are respected. What you think and say is taken seriously. You do not need to agree; you do need to listen and respond with respect. You are considered valuable; therefore, your interests and activities are valued even if not understood or liked.

  6. You become one another’s friend and confidant. You are there to listen, support and encourage when there are difficulties and successes. You have shared interests, as well as things you enjoy on your own.

  7. You are patient and kind. There are times in a relationship that it is easy to be patient and kind. At other times you will need to put forth the effort to practice the discipline of patience and kindness. Each person is respected for their strengths and weaknesses.

In summary, if someone is interested in a relationship they will make the other a priority. They will be available when possible and will not keep you waiting needlessly. You will feel known and valued for who you are as a person.

Are you having a hard time deciding if he or she is truly interested in you and having a relationship? Sometimes you need a little extra help sorting through the words and actions of another. I can listen, call me at (919)881-2001.


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