Why We Need Feelings

Don began his story.

“Growing up it was clear in my family that feelings were unacceptable. Repeatedly, I heard such statements as, “I will give you something to cry about”, or “Go get the crying towel, the cry baby is upset again”, and “It is as easy to be happy as sad”. In my family, if you dared to show any emotions, at best you were sent to your room and ignored; most of the time you were ridiculed, belittled or punished. The only feelings that we allowed were my parents' angry shouts. I do not understand why I need to feel my feelings. What is the purpose? What good will it do me after all these years? I am doing fine in life without feelings.”

Sadly, I hear stories like this way too often. I hear feelings criticized, rejected and blamed for pain and struggles. At one time or another, I hear this from everyone with whom I work. These words are usually spoken when faced with painful memories or events. People ask, “why can’t I just move on and ignore what happened? I will forget it before long.” I hear them when someone is struggling with feelings that are labeled as “negative”: anger, jealousy, competition, and aggression, to name a few.

Feelings are Not Valued

We live in a world that does not support feelings. Intellect and thinking are