No, Nope, Nada: Is no a Bad Word?

“No” is an important and powerful word. Its primary uses are for protection and self-care. Adults are quick to use it to protect a child, but many people don’t know how to use it to protect themselves and their relationships.

Many people are taught that they must say, “Yes” and that, “No” is not an acceptable answer to anything. They do not learn the essential skills of knowing when and how to say,"no."

Think about this scenario for a moment: A young woman and I were talking, and she said “I say yes (to things) because I feel like an asshole if I say no. Then I go and do it, and I don’t want to be there. I think about the things I want to be doing instead. Then I feel like a bad friend because I am having these negative thoughts and feelings.”

By saying yes when she wanted to say no, she gives her Harsh Inner Critic an opportunity to criticize her. The situation becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when her unhappiness shows in her behavior and she judges herself as being an asshole or a bad friend.

When you allow yourself to say "No," you have an opportunity to grow. You can feel strong, and proud of the way you are taking care of yourself.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine whether the right answer in your situation, is "no":