In 1977, John Paul Young released, "Love is in the Air", his only worldwide hit. This could easily be the theme song for Valentine’s Day and the month of February.
Love is in the air everywhere I look around
Love is in the air every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish, don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in, and it's there when I look in your eyes.
People are searching for love, finding love and being disappointed in love. Modern society has developed a mystique around “love.” It can be heard in songs, in movies and in advertisements. This mystique tells us that in order to be happy, we must be in a romantic relationship; all we need is love. To be real, love has to be passionate, and the passion must never end. If I discover something in my lover I don’t like, I should change him or her so that we can keep the passion alive. If by some chance the passion cools, then love is over and we must end the relationship.
Love is in the air, in the whisper of the tree,
Love is in the air in the thunder of the sea,
And I don't know if I'm just dreaming, don't know if I feel safe,
But it's something that I must believe in and it's there when you call out my name
Contained in the mystique is the belief that we are entitled to be loved and cherished. We believe our love and concern will be returned without asking. The person who loves us will treat us with kindness and respect, and will gladly fulfill all our needs and wants. We believe we should not have to ask for that. We think we do not have to teach people how to treat us, and there is no need to enforce boundaries and advocate for ourselves. All of these things will automatically happen when we are with someone who loves us.
Love is in the air, in the rising of the sun,
Love is in the air, when the day is nearly done,
And I don't know if you are Illusion, don't know if I see truth,
But you are something that I must believe in, and you are there when I reach out for you
Perhaps in the romantic stage of a relationship, we will get everything we want and need without asking, but we all know this phase will end. Experience shows us that relationships built on the above formula are doomed to fail. To assume this is the way to happiness is to be forever dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
To have satisfying relationships of all types, you must first develop a relationship with yourself that gives you a sense of value and worth. You must believe, “I am the kind of person I can love.” To have this type of relationship with yourself, you must learn to hear your Harsh Inner Critic and not believe its messages. Learn to recognize when you are in your Internal Triangle and be able to extricate yourself. Knowing your “conditions for loving” and redefining them is essential to the process. You must develop the belief that you have value and worth and can have people in your life who will treat you well.
To feel like a valuable person, you must act like you have value. It is necessary to learn the skills needed to fill your own needs. Bottom line: relationships are complicated and take work, effort and personal growth to be satisfying. The work begins inside of you. Do you find love painful and relationship hard. I can help you find a more satisfying way to love. Call me at: (919)881-2001.