“You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” - John 8:32
“The truth will set you free, but you have to endure the labor pains of birthing it.”
- Iyanla Vanzant
The information took her breath away. She had suspected that the situation was bad, but she had not expected it to be this bad. It was not irredeemable, but it would take some time, pain and personal growth to recover from the situation.
After 10 years of marriage and numerous conversations, Nora found out that her husband had once again secretly maxed out the credit card. Nora lived by a strict “no credit” rule. A credit card was for emergencies only, and if she did not have money for something she wanted, then she did not buy it.
What Did You Learn Growing Up?
Nora grew up in a family were money was a constant source of stress, conflict and fear. As a child, she heard way too much about the family finances. She was constantly afraid that there would not be enough. As an adult, the road to safety was to save money and not have consumer debt.
Martin, on the other hand, grew up in a family that produced the illusion of having plenty. They did not live an extravagant life, but if he wanted something he usually received it. What he did not know was that behind the scenes, his father was secretly spending money that was meant for bills and living expenses. Eventually, the family lost their home. However, the move was treated like just another move, and the money situation remained a secret. As a result of this secrecy, Martin never learned the value of money or how to use it wisely.
They both had lessons to learn, memories to process and wounds to heal.
It is both frightening and disappointing to discover an important and uncomfortable truth. Most of us believe that the truth will kill us. It will not kill us, but it does at times hurt, frighten and disappoint us. To some, these feelings are so intense they feel like death.
That leads many of us to a belief that a lie or omission is better, or that whatever we don't know can't hurt us. I propose that there is a value in knowing the truth, even if it is uncomfortable or painful.
5 Reasons We Need to Know the Uncomfortable Truth
1. The Truth opens the door to change:
What you don’t know will hurt you and the ones you love. Secrets keep you stuck in a spiral of deception and self criticism. It keeps you in the position of the bad scared child who is hiding from the grown-ups. Admitting or learning the truth opens possibilities that you have never thought of before.
2. The Truth makes closeness possible:
Secrets create distance and corrode us from the inside out. When there is hidden knowledge, we tend to avoid one another for fear that that hidden subject will come up. We talk about meaningless things in order to fill the space so that there is no room for the truth to be spoken.
3. The Truth helps us face our fears:
Fear gets inside of us and grows. Many of these fears come from childhood and grow over the years in those unknown places inside. They influence how we think and act without our being aware of them. The truth makes us aware of those influences and help us to make changes.
4. The Truth shows us our strengths:
When the truth is finally told, we learn that we have the strength face the pain it brings to us. It gives us the opportunity to work toward a solution to the problems and issues that we have run away from all our lives.
5. The Truth creates intimacy with self and others:
Once the dust settled and Nora and Martin had time to process their feelings, they were able to tell one another about their fears, needs and desires. The process was not always smooth. After all, a truthful/authentic life is messy.
What is the truth that you need to speak? How can you begin to cope with that truth? I have years of experience helping people find their truths. Call me at (919)881-2001.