Websites: A Symbol of Change, Fear and Growth
Today, I am publishing a new website. This event marks a major accomplishment in my life and work. It has been months in design and years in the making.
Although I am a rule breaker, I am not a risk taker. I love to learn but I do not like to take on something that intimidates me. I work hard, but only on things I love to do. At least that was the story I told myself and I stuck to it for many years. So when someone suggested in 2014 that I start a blog, I stated with no hesitation or doubt in my mind, that It would be impossible and that I could not possibly do it.
Just Not Possible
I was told to “Sit on the deck, have a glass of wine and write 250 words while enjoying the outside.” Again, I was ready with a great reason that would not work. The mosquitoes in my backyard are big enough to carry me away – there is no way it would be comfortable. Overall, I was convinced this was an impossible proposition.
Although I graduated with honors from Duke University, there lived inside of me a little girl who had problems with spelling, punctuation and an overall sense that she was not smart enough or had enough to say to publish even a small blog.
You might ask, “With that kind of academic record how could I feel like this?” Easily. There lives inside of all of us false impressions and false selves left over from childhood.
History Influences Choices
Having grown up in a violent alcoholic home with a codependent mother, the message I told myself to survive at home was this: “You are not smart like your father and brother. You have to work hard, take easy courses and just graduate. Go to a state school and become a teacher so that when you have children you will have the same schedule as them.”
A career woman with something to say was not a part of the culture and family in which I grew up. Even though I have spent the last 27 years as a successful psychotherapist, it did not change this perception hidden inside.
Help Arrives In Unexpected Ways
Fortunately, help emerged in an unexpected way. As I was complaining to a friend about this dilemma, she offered to help me. Unbeknownst to me, she is an Emmy Award-winning producer. She taught workshops and classes on writing. I had a major resource in my life and did not know it.
113 blogs later, I am going strong. I have gone from struggling to write 500 words over the course of a week, dreading each moment I picked up a pen and hearing that critical voice with every word I write, to looking forward to having an outlet for my thoughts. It is not uncommon to hear me say, “That will make a great article.” My grandchildren pose for pictures so they “might be on Grandmama’s blog.”
Over the next few weeks I will be adding all those 100+ posts to this website. Please visit often to read through them. Hopefully, I will have the nugget of information that inspires you to keep thinking. If you have an idea that I haven’t covered, I welcome ideas.
For the first time, I designed my website using my ideas and my words. It feels like an expression of who I am and what I believe. Please visit it and let me know what you think. I hope there will be something that you find interesting. Others will love it as much as I do and many will not understand what the big deal is.
For me, this represents a journey from fear to empowerment through hard work, courage and the help of many people who care about me and what I do. It is through experiences like this one that I have developed an unshakable belief in the power of human growth and healing and the process of psychotherapy.
I believe there is hope because I have experienced what a difference it can make in my life and the lives of others. I look forward to the opportunity to help you as well.
If you see something thanks makes you want to talk, have an idea for a blog or want some help finding your way give me a call at 9919)881-2001. I would be honored to be a part of your journey.