Raleigh Psychotherapy

409 Snelling Rd

Raleigh NC 27609

919-881-2001

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Take It Easy For The New Year

30 Dec 2019

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Raleigh Psychotherapy Blog

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Help me to make beginnings:

to begin going out of my weary mind into fresh dreams,

Daring to make my own bold tracks in the land of now….

Help me to believe in beginnings, to make a beginning,

so that I may not just grow old,

But grow new

each day of this wild, amazing life

you call me to live

with passion….*

We look forward to beginnings, the beginning of a movie, the beginning of a game, the beginning of a good meal. They represent excitement and hold the hope and promise of something tasty, entertaining, or pleasurable. That is not all that beginnings...

Jack came into the office feeling deep and painful shame. “I made so many

stupid decisions,” he told me. “I hurt everyone I love and who loves me. I am a failure in life. I feel so ashamed of myself. I can see no way I can ever forgive myself for the years that I hurt others. If people knew who I really am and what I

did, they would hate me like I hate myself. I am a bad worthless person and

should have never been born. 

“I don’t do those things any more, but no matter what I do it never seems to be

enough.  I try to make amends and change.  I don’t k...

Aron and his family spent a week at the beach with their extended family. Unfortunately, the timing was not ideal for Aron and he had to work a large portion of the week. When the weekend was planned, his company was having a slow period and it looked as if he would be able to spend time with his family and have fun.  The week of his vacation, an unexpected project came up and he had to attend to the last minute details in order for the deal to close.

As the week progressed, Aron became more disappointed that he was missing all the fun. He would w...

As you can see, co-dependency and counter-dependency work together inside to keep the dance going and the distance steady: not too close and not too far.

Dianne has been dating Joseph for three years. They have a warm and loving relationship. He treats her with respect and kindness, and is willing to help her when she needs him. They share many interests and spend a lot of their time having fun. Conversation is lively, interesting and intimate. Dianne and Joseph talk about conflicts and disagreements, and can usually resolve them in mutually satisfying ways. Dianne has never told him that she loves him and often needs to make distance. This is particularly true after being intimate.

John has been m...

Each of us have familiar and automatic beliefs and reactions that have been with us before we had conscious memory. They tell us how to act and what to feel in response to certain situations.  They inform us of who we are and direct our lives.

It never occurs to us to be curious or question these responses because they feel like “who we are.” The idea that these are something we learned in response to

neglect, trauma or less than good enough parenting never occurs to us. We never think that perhaps our ideas are not within the normal range.

I'm Just...

For a few weeks now, we've been talking about the brain and how it can create different parts of ourselves in order to survive certain situations.  In case you're just joining us, this is not what is known as split personality or schizophrenia where the parts are separate and take over the person. This is a way of looking at how our unconscious mind developed, how it works, and the impact it has on us.  

Richard Schwartz developed the original model, called Internal Family Systems.  Then Janina Fisher made the connection between these parts a...

Love and hate have a magical transforming power. 

They are the great soul changers. We grow their exercise 

into the likeness of what we contemplate.

    - George William Russell

More often than not, love and hate are misunderstood and confusing emotions. They are siblings, born from the same family but with different characteristics. In the next few weeks, I am going to explore each emotion, their relationship to one another and how they impact us.

What is Hate? 

Hate is many things at once.  It is an emotion, a belief, an action, or a policy. We...

Alex tells his story.  “As a teenager I was considered difficult. Anger was my constant companion. I would be angry when my parents told me to do something, I hated all the rules and regulations of school. I felt controlled and resentful, that I was not able to make my own decisions.”

“When I went to college it was better,” he says.  “I did not feel as angry because I was free to make my own decisions. In hindsight, I realize that I was irritable. Loud noises, loud talking, delays and waiting, to name a few things, would set off grumbling and impa...

I find the time surrounding Valentine's to be a difficult one for many people. Those who are in relationships have expectations which do not get met. Those who are not in relationships find it a time of longing and desire. The predominate feeling I hear during this time of the year is disappointment. Not everyone but many dread this day.

It seems to me that the point of the day is to love. We all want to be loved so much that we forget how important it is to love others. Not just our family, lovers and friends, but the human race as a whole.

We for...

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